The First Miracle

It was the end of September when Daniel got laid off. A year after we decided to add to our family and our dream came true and our life was crushed all at the same time (we have been on a crazy emotional roller coaster). So after we got back from our friends cabin, Daniel finished up at work and started looking for jobs. Pictured below is me and Jake at the cabin.

 I began to look on the bright side, Daniel was home with us helping with all the housework and taking care of Jacob while I was sick and throwing up everytime I tried to eat...or walk...or smile (ok the last one was an exaggeration). During this time Daniel was also going to interviews, applying for jobs, going out and making contacts. He really tried everything he could to get another job. In the meantime I started to work on getting Medicaid for my pregnancy (I will try not to rant about that experience too much, but I will say, the system is broken and failing). It was all very overwhelming. One day 2 ladies from church came over and we were going over things for my new calling (everyone in our church is a volunteer no one gets paid, so the church runs by people getting "callings", or jobs) I was going to be a cub scout leader. I don't remember what happened, but I ended up crying hysterically about what was happening and how scared I was. That afternoon, these 2 sister contacted the relief society president (the women's leader for the congregation) and they had set up a mealtrain for me to have people bring my family food 3 times a week. They told me what they had done, logged on to the mealtrain website and found that it was already full with volunteers for the next 2 weeks!
It was so touching, I sat and just cried (there is a lot of crying when I'm pregnant) I was so grateful to these 2 women that saw that I needed help and went to work right away to make sure my family was fed. And the most wonderful thing is, the people who had signed up to bring us food didn't even know what was happening with my family. That is what is so awesome about church people, they see a need and fill it without question or reason.
That was our first miracle.
I didn't have to worry about food and I didn't have to cook. Every time I went into the kitchen I threw up, so thank goodness someone else was cooking for me 3 times a week. I was so sick until about 20 weeks. I lost a total of 13 pounds. I didn't look so good.
Pictured below is me sleeping with Jake. I did this a lot during my first trimester.

The beggining...

So, most people know that we have been through a difficult time over this last year, but most do not know the details of it. As we are coming out of this trial and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I finally feel ready to recount our experiences. This will take multiple posts... and a lot of this is a sort of therapy for me, so forgive me if it's a little rough and raw.

In the fall of 2011 Daniel and I decided we were ready to have another child. After going to my regular obgyn, knowing that I had low progesterone levels, and having that yeild no results, we decided that instead of a couple of years of waiting and heartache to get pregnant (like we did with Jacob) we would go see a fertility doctor.
 Dr. Danashmand was a great doctor. I went through a lot of testing to see why it was hard for me to get pregnant and was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. It was actually a relief to know what was happening to me and to have a doctor that told me I could get pregnant with his help. So we started treatment, I did clomid, hormones, and shots. I had to go in every other morning for 2 weeks straight and certain times of the month to get my blood drawn (this was not easy for me because I am afraid of needles). The different medicines and hormones made me crazy and emotional and angry at the silliest things. But after 3 rounds of treatment (3 months) I got pregnant!!

We were so happy and feeling so blessed. We had a great house, Daniel had a job (he didn't like what he was doing, but he was getting paid), we had a pretty good life...

I started to get sick pretty fast (I think due to the hormones they were pumping me with just to make sure I would stay pregnant) and I wanted to get some fresh air. At 6 weeks pregnant Daniel and I took Jacob to a friends cabin at Duck Creek. On the way up, Daniel told me that he had been let go that day. His boss was someone that we went to church with and we felt pretty angry for a while. We have both learned a lot about forgiveness and understanding. Now, I honestly think they thought he could run right out and get another job right away. None of that mattered at the time though, we had just gotten pregnant, spent most of our savings to get that way, we had no insurance, a house payment, a kid at home and no income. I couldn't even help with picking up hours at Gymboree because I had gotten so sick I could barely walk most days and couldn't go to work myself. We tried to remain positive and remember the good in life, like Jacob and how joyful he was. But life was getting scarier as the weeks of unemployment and no insurance went on.